| Some dedications.. I didn`t get to finish 'cause my parents are being buttheads & kicking me off. So I apologize to those who are my close friends but are not included =/ .
Lately, you`ve been plastering my mind. At times, I find myself sitting there pondering on the memories that we had & you, yourself. It`s ironic how things can change so quickly. I remember back then, our days of talking.. you used to make me laugh so much. I`d be laughing until I was crying out of the pain in my stomach. I miss you.. more than I want to. I try to sleep at night.. but I have trouble doing so. I end up staying up crying myself to sleep knowing that your feelings aren`t the same as mine. Knowing that it was my fault & that I screwed things up. Knowing that you probably don`t even care. I don`t mean to be dramatic or anything of the sort, it`s just that this is what I think about. Constantly. It seems to never end =/ .. it`s strange.. the cause of all this pain I endure if because of you, yet it`s you that I like. That I miss. That I wish to confide in. Yet what am I to you..? Nothing. It`s sad, really.. the moment you sign on, I notice. I sit here, debating on whether I should talk to you or not. In the end, I usually lose & end up not talking to you. Every time I do, I become more discouraged to talk to you again the next time. You always say 'brb' or 'bbl' or something of the sort, & I lose my confidence. My hope falls harder. I knew how much you meant to me. Yet I still messed everything up. Heh. Thanks for everything though, you really are a sweetea. Take care. If you ever need anything, you know you always have me here for you. *637. twice.
My best friend & wifey. Gawd, I miss you so much.. it dawned on my that we have both changed so much. But we don`t talk as much or hang out as much.. =/ . I miss you. You`re always there for me & you understand me. We always have our little dorky inside jokes, coming up with so many that we soon lose count. How long have we been best friends? Three years? Hehe.. Santana Row.. guitar.. milk&cookies.. mooo.. =) OH MAN! Remember when I slept over back in the summer I think it was, & we stayed up soooo late laughing [like we always do].. but then that one time, Newgen said he heard us at night. We were like 'were we that loud!?' haha.. those were good times =) . I hope I get to see you soon.. =/ . You know what? I told my mom that since I`m so horrible with directions, when I drive, I`ll always be driving you because you know more than me :P .. haha.. I love you lots =) my longest relationship LOL. Happy one year, seven months & three days. :D I love youuu ALWAYS.
Ahhh, my mind&soul. =) .. us & our silly selves. Creating such true lies. Haha.. thanks for everything. We`ve only known eachother for.. five months? Yet I feel at times as though you understand me better than I understand myself. I`m so glad I met you this year.. :D . Haha.. mann, us & our silly jokes LOL. We come up with the weirdest things sometimes haha.. :P Sometimes I wonder what would`ve happened if you were to ignore me like you planned to because of her? Or what if your first impression of me was actually true? But you didn`t ignore me & your impression wasn`t true. =) .. I`m really grateful for meeting you. You show me things that I never thought about & you make me feel comfortable enough to show my true side [yes, that dumb kid side ;D ]. I love youuu =) .. yes, I really do. Not in that way, but I do. I don`t say it unless I mean it, & I think you know that. I`m always complaining on how people use it so casually.. but I really do love you :] .. You`re my friendly friend ;D .
Jasu, I apologize for my habits & that I can`t quit. I admit I`m being an idiot for continuing my habit despite it that you told me to stop. At times, I know people care. But seconds after that, I think about it all over again & I just go back to the way I was before: thinking that nobody really cares. That day you told me to quit for you, it actually made me somewhat happy. Thinking that you actually cared as a friend. But then my doubts came & I replied that that was difficult to do.. & then you just said 'okay' & it made my doubts sure. I was positive that no one cared, specifically you. Now, when I try to talk to you but you reply in your short answers that make me think you despise me, it makes me wonder if you actually ever did care as a friend. But I guess I was wrong. You do care. Just not for me.
Thank you for always being there for me. I honestly don`t know what I`d do without you.. y`kno, at times it surprises me how well you know me. I look up to you =) . You seem so independent, yet you understand how it is for me. Me, who is stuck here. You`re always taking care of me, buying me food & giving me advice. I wish I got to hang out with you more often.. =/ . I`m sorry if I cause trouble or worry. I love you Daddi. =) .. you`re always watching over me. |
